I Think I've Become A Spam Addict

I THINK I'VE BECOME A SPAM ADDICT

I recently wrote an article, "5 Reasons Why You Should Post
A Free Classified Ad" and have received a lot of positive
feedback about the article but nobody said anything nice
about the spamsters.

I tried to imagine what the Internet would be like without
spam and concluded my life would be negatively impacted by
it's absence.

Most of the spam I get is funny. Ridiculous claims, poor
syntax and bad spelling seem to be the constants.
Sometimes when I try to reply to their scheme I am told by
the server that they have been shut down. These pathetic
souls are promoting something that is, at least
temporarily, out of business. They cite U.S. House and
Senate bills that died in session as evidence they are not
spamsters. I have actually been advised that unsolicited
bulk email is not spam.

When I check my email and find no new messages it's a let
down. I feel unpopular, unloved. If it's a slow day and
all I have is a little spam I read it. It's pretty obvious
these front line spamsters have been taken in by the slick
website that provides a bundle of services for a fee which
includes "blasting" a pitch to millions of "opt in" email
addresses. I feel better just knowing there is somebody
dumber than Stupidman. They're so dumb they probably don't
know they're spamming plus they paid for the privilege.

I used to save the "Nigerian" letters that arrived by snail
mail. The stamps were pretty and there was some variation
in the story line. Visitors that came to my office were
amused by my collection and often requested copies. I
received a Nigerian email a couple of weeks ago that was
sent from a Yahoo! account.

What a pleasant, nostalgic experience. The poor grammar,
their admission of stealing $70,000,000 from the Nigerian
government (death sentence ?), offering me 30% to committ
a federal crime by laundering the money. All I had to do
was provide them with the information necessary to raid my
bank account and steal my identity. Sure it was spam, but
it was entertaining. The Yahoo! account made me suspicious
that this might be a "fake" Nigerian scheme. I hope not,
as I thought it was uplifting to know that the Nigerians
were using the Internet to improve their economy.

I've even received some educational spam. Got a long chain
letter scheme in Spanish (or Spammish as it is referred to
in the Stupidman household). It became a project for my
son, Greased Lightning, and me to translate. As he'll be
taking Spanish II next year this was a worthwhile family
project. He even enjoyed it.

I don't like receiving the porn spam. It might be okay if
I was single but I'm not. I worry that I'll be accused by
The Boss, Mrs. Stupidman, or the kids of being a porn
addict. (It's bad enough being a spam addict.) All I can
do is delete it. On the rare occasions when they offer an
"unsubscribe" you have to do it at a website. That sounds
like a good way to get on even more porn lists.

If you are viewing an empty mail box and missing out on the
rich, cultural experiences like the Nigerian letter and
Spammish email, it may not be because you are unpopular.
It's probably due to your spam filters. Turn them off,
have some fun and read the spam.

Stupidman, Internet Guru Trainee. Doesn't that say it all.